Talking, parler, such a beauty, love an eternal beauty

J'aime parler, j'aime dire, je me sens tellement bien quand je dis ce que je ressens, parler de son ressenti, exprimer sa pensée, s'exprimer, ai déjà oublié la signification du cogito, ergo sum ou comment il a été exprimé par Descartes.  Trop philosophique tout cela, je préfère le terre à terre, la logique, le 1 + 1, facts, thoughts are good but sometimes it gives me a headache to listen to everyone's point of view without any feeling.  What I often forget to analyse is my emotions, my fear of judgment, or my fears they exist, or to deny my overcoming, overwhelming emotions, resist, I just want to let go like being in the water, feeling the water flow on my skin, and just enjoy, let my body go, feel pleasure, just pleasure.  

I guess my libido is high, I miss having sex :-))))  I could have sex on my own, but I prefer sharing with someone, sharing the contact.  I guess like Oscar Wilde said, I can resist anything but temptation and my laborious work doesn't satisfy my sexual libido, I want sex, I need sex, I'm in love again but this time with a homosexual and that is very frustrating and he's not interested in having sex with me for he's a homosexual.  Why did I fall in love with him?  

He's interested in me as a friend, he likes me as a friend but that is all he can give me.  He loves having violent sex with men, that gives him immense pleasure, he speaks about his sexual life and everything else by the way, he makes me laugh, he can be very tough but he's very sensitive too.  I just love him the way he is. He brings out very deep emotions in me, he touches me, I admire him, I like the way he talks, I like the way he's very compassionate and careful of other people's feelings, he knows how to listen, he is interested.  I feel jealous about the fact that other women have very close connections with him, but I'm also happy for him, for he has a right to love and to be loved, to have sex with who he wants to, I am not there to direct but to share his life and I am very happy and so lucky to share my life with him, to know him, that is real luck to have encountered him, so I am grateful and should just make the best of it.  FEEL, LIVE AND LOVE BEING.  I have deep feelings for him, he knows everything about me and he accepts me as I am, he loves me as I am, like all my friends by the way but I feel a deep connection with him. It's good to receive love from a man, but what misses is sex.  Well, I can't have it all.  That's life and that is how things are in life, that is life and not a dream, but it's good that I feel insatisfaction, I am just human.

It's beautiful to be in love, I want to tell him but I know he will reject me or rather say he can't give me what I need.  So that's it I can't change it, I know I have the strength, I trust myself and others to help me share my emotions, and accept what I can't change. So I'm happy :-)

Beautiful quote about acceptation of separation.  AND LOVE IS FOREVER.