Fear and wisdom

Today, I had some anxieties at work, especially when Jocelyne asked me to help her, I feared I would fail her so to say and experienced some pressure, I put myself under pressure, I was happy for I was able to observe it and especially I felt like I was blushing and she would notice it and it would disturb her like it did me at the same time, but then I let it go, it sort of went away and I thought that was it, but I guess I was frightened to be at the front, on my own and being alone to work, bearing the burden or rather being responsible and being frightened to be criticised if ever I made a mistake or did something wrong as if I was going to be condemned for a single mistake whereas I do so many things so well.  

I'm quite happy though at the time it was kind of weird, and I felt a kind of derealisation from the world and from the other people, finding it hard not to feel better than everybody or on the contrary worse than everyone, basically a machiavellan and 2 ways of seeing thing whether right or wrong, whether black or white and forgetting the huge and vastness of the inbetween and the richness that there is in this world, the beauty of the world.

I love noticing that there is not one single answer or viewpoint and that it's not a matter of everything or nothing, saved or condemned, judgment but of being and living the here and now, and enjoying the here and now, feeling the here and now and observing it like something light and shiny and letting it go but remembering that each moment counts and is precious.

Accepting the letting go and the difference, variety and uniqueness of everything and everyone.