Today was a very rewarding and knowledgeable day.
About the job search and above all about myself or the way I have false beliefs and sometimes prejudices.
The job search:
I went to get my ID back at the Rectorat. I decided not to touch anything about my asking for a dispo and not to press it either. Too many red tape to do, it's unbelievable, always papers, forms and letters or references to support one's demands.
Then I went to Cité des Métiers at Porte de La Villette and there I was advised by a very kind employee who listened to me, I took something he told me personally whereas he was just telling me about the different workshops I could go to. It was about the theatre workshop, aiming at gaining selfconfidence and selfesteem, when he told me I should register or that it might interest me, I asked him quite defensively if he thought i needed it, afterwards I thought about it, and he was just being nice and trying to answer my needs after I'd told him about my selfquestioning and where I am right now. It's funny how I took it personally as if I kind of wanted to confirm the fact that I lacked self confidence whereas I just have some like anyone I guess and it depends on the domain of competence, anyway I laughed about myself afterwards for I thought I was being quite immature in my way of asking him that, like a kid being advised something but taking it badly as a criticism whereas it is a piece of advice. I realised how sensitive I had been when he answered me very calmly, that was good.
He also gave me a folder about changing jobs and especially in the Education Nationale. I read it carefully and did some copies.
Had a anxiety crisis this afternoon, unpleasant when it came but so nice but it just went away like clouds in the sky.
Went to the foot doctor, she explains what she did very well, I learnt a lot about my feet, the way i stand, the troubles and irregularities of my feet. She's very talkative and told me about her life, her patients and about the fact that she'd almost passed away a couple of years ago, fortunately she had a brain inflammation and not a lesion as was originally diagnosed.
Phoned Manue this morning, sent a message to Viviane and Manue.I'm lucky and happy, lucky to be surrounded, lucky to love and live, lucky to feel, to observe the way I think sometimes, the wrong and false beliefs I have or rather I have had and how it feels good to realise they're all wrong and false, and also that when I feel sometimes ill at ease, it always goes away and everything changes, nothing stays the same for what is past is gone and what will be is not, only what is exists and then becomes past. The beauty of time. What was beautiful, terrible, harmful, difficult, enjoyable can never be the same again.
Everyday is a new and beautiful day, a beginning, there's no end but just going ahead, continuity.