Difficult to work in a high school and my self-confidence is taking a huge blow in the face.  Difficult especially in the final year classes who have the A-Level at the end of the year.  

We need to prepare them for it and I don't even know the program very well, or what we have to do, so many things in just 2 hours a week per class.  That's almost an impossible mission, well basically I do my best, I've got the feeling I don't make them think enough, I don't get them to reflect how I would like them to, I wish they'd exchange more, debate more, maybe I'm too directive, I don't know, it's quite impressive to learn as I go along, to learn as I do staff, I don't know if it's correct or not.

I think I have to go at a colleague's final year class to see better how she handles all the difficulties and the level.  

I'd feel more confortable I think.  At least, to make sure I'm not completely wrong and I make them think quite well, it's difficult to go from the oral to the written staff, especially to give them a rich vocabulary and also express their ideas, make them reflect on the topic I treat and have them suggest ideas I want them to have, basically lead them where I want them to go but at the same time, let them go where they want and still listen to them, at the same time, redirect them so that they arrive where I want them to be at the end.  Well a long and tricky route or so it seems to me.  And on top of all that, I don't "master" or handle the topics and the new vocabulary words very well for the moment, especially the ones that are relevant to the topic I treat or the documents.  The teacher's book is very rich and give very good productions, well at least suggest productions but sometimes it's hard to do half of their production mixed with half of the students' production, very interesting orally but not necessarily rich in a written way.  Either it's too light or too rich.  I have to take spices from both suggestions, the book's and the students'.  A real exercise and something I learn, I'm still at the early stage, and experiencing, letting them express themselves but stopping as well otherwise I can't give them a proper suggestion or it's just talk and they don't remember anything or have any written trace they can rely on to revise and to study.

Well I'm doing my best, difficult to "tatonner".

Hope for the best and settle for less as the saying goes and let go when I can't or just let go of what I want to control and be nice with myself, that's the most important thing. :-)  Benevolence and self-compassion.

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